My last fight was in December and finally, after a big hit of life, I have been feeling the itch.
A lot of things have come to pass in the past four months. Between working to finish my documentary and helping to take my mother-in-law for bouts of chemo before she passed last week, it's been an emotional flow chart inside and out. Often, I find when I am fighting so much in the outside world, dealing with real life struggles, I don't feel the itch to fight in the ring.
Training to fight is a privilege, a luxury. The last four months, it has even felt selfish. How fortunate we are to have working body parts, no matter how sore or taped up they may be. The fact that we can make our bodies strong, breathe deep into our lungs and force ourselves to go another round is a huge blessing. To have the time to get ourselves in this kind of condition is high living.
Having lost my uncle and mother-in-law to cancer in the past few weeks has dwarfed most other frustrations and disappointments. I watched my lovely mother-in-law struggle for air in her last hours of life. She never complained the whole time she was sick. Her easy going serenity was contagious. My uncle kept a great sense of humor all the way to the end. My cousins were posting pictures of him in the hospital dressed head to toe in Jets pajamas. Both families who lost their loved ones were vulnerable enough to feel the loss and courageous enough to move forward even if they now have a 500lb weight in each one of their hearts.
How tough will you be when the fight comes to you? How will you deal with it?
Since I haven't been training hard in the last few months, when I feel like I am running out of gas, the recipient of extreme pressure from a sparring partner, and not performing to the degree I dream of, I tell myself it's okay and accept being where I'm at. I remind myself that I am lucky to be so healthy and have the kind of schedule where I can train and that as long as I dedicate time and effort to the training, there will be improvement. Results. I am also extremely fortunate to have seen this through a few times, each time getting better and owning my style in the ring more. For someone who can get easily frustrated by the small things, I am thankful for the bigger picture.
It looks like I may have a fight at the end of May and I'm looking at it as an opportunity to perform, to push myself, to expect frustrations, shortcomings, and errors but to also let them pass. The way I see it, it's a gift to receive the opportunity to fight. A true blessing.