Friday, October 17, 2014

Still Fighting...

Still fighting ....on so many levels as are most of you!

But now, I accept fighting as a part of life.  The struggles don't have to be all consuming or anxiety provoking.  I mean, yes, they usually start out that way, but with practice, it is easier to deal with them and let the anxiety go.  At the end of the day, you don't have control over Jack Doody. I am also fortunate that lately, I have high class problems.

Finally delivering the film to our distributor, Vision Films; fixing issues so it can be distributed without any technical issues.   Try doing that with a film that was Frankenstein-ed together over a period of 7 years!  December 1st is our Worldwide release and we will be ready to face the world.

So many times, I didn't think I would be able to come up with money or fix technical issues that I knew nothing about. Somehow, I still had faith that the film would be completed.  I had to.  So many people have given their energy to it.  What has changed with me lately, is when issues arise, I am able to laugh it off.  I address the issues as best I can and put it behind me.  At this point, my barriers and obstacles regarding getting the film out there are all minutia. Background noise.

The real mission of "Fight Like a Girl" is being accomplished.  We are inspiring women's empowerment organizations, doing screenings with mental health groups, accompanying FLAG's Maureen Shea, to her empowerment seminars,  screening at a fundraiser in Seattle for at risk girls who learn how to tell their stories through filmmaking.  We are teaching clinics to eager young women and getting emails and messages from people all over the world who have seen the film, are touched by it.  They tell us how it reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles.  This was the real reason I made the film.  Do I wish I made a lot of money from it and got huge awards?  Sure, but I can easily live without that stuff, especially when I am hearing from people who the film inspires.

I made myself very vulnerable in this film and it will be very easy for people to throw darts at me.  Now, I am glad it has taken so long to get the film out there, because I am able to pull the darts out and let them fall to the ground. I don't think I could have done that a few years back. The reality is I went through a very rough time and it wound up being documented in "Fight Like a Girl."  It was the roughest period of my life.  The other women in the film also let themselves be exposed in their vulnerability.  I am fortunate they trusted me to let me film them at these difficult points in their lives.

This is not an easy thing to do for anyone, but especially for female fighters.  We are supposed to be tougher than anyone.  But for me, toughness and real strength is being able to expose yourself, warts and all, and still hold on to your dignity and own yourself as a person. Maureen, Kimberly, and Susan are the definition of that.

Meanwhile, I am working with an old coach who I like.  He is getting me back into my boxing groove.  It's a pro style that is very effective for me.  I know I won't out-cardio, out-athletic, or out-power most of the people I spar with.  However, I can strategize and focus on hitting and not getting hit best with this style.  More importantly, it's fun!  I get to get my swag on and pretend I am super slick!

I still make dumb mistakes like putting my head down when ducking under something or throwing hooks a little wide, standing up sometimes when I need to be low, and I need to be tighter...but now, I look at it as something to work towards correcting and getting better at.  That wasn't always the case!  I used to be very hard on myself and get extremely angry when I would mess up in the ring. (Even just a few weeks ago!)  It feels better to let it go and work on it harder next time.  If only I can keep this attitude up through the rest of my life....that would be a big W.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Money, Money, Money

I don't like to think about it unless I am making it.

I don't need a whole lot of it.

I love the freedom it gives me since I live in a world where it is necessary to have it.

I am fortunate to have enough of it to pay for roof over my head, groceries, go to a boxing gym and do yoga.  That's pretty much all I need to be happy and balanced.  Oh, and buy a nice outfit or a good pair of shoes a couple times a year.

I hate asking for it.

Right now, I am believing that I will somehow manifest another $10k to put in my film so it can be seen.  Unfortunately, when I exported the film, it was in the wrong format for the distributor.  Chalk it up to being on the cusp of a change in technology.  Yay.  "Progress," as they used to say in the 70's.

While I have been fortunate enough to have someone who believes in "Fight Like a Girl's" ability to help people who suffer from abuse, PTSD and mental illness - cover the rights for my Muhammad Ali footage, this is the last hurrah.  And I need it in order to get the film on as many platforms as possible.   Otherwise, I'm stuck with 832 DVDs in my basement.  I know it will come somehow.

In the meantime, I am cutting a video pro bono for an organization called Girl's PACT that helps empower young girls and prevent teenage pregnancy.  ( My husband is none too happy that I am still giving of my time, while I need to be earning, but I know how the world works.

Right now, I am happy to shoot and edit weddings, kid's birthdays, bar mitzvahs, performances, christenings.  Heck, I'll even do a funeral!  I am selling T-shirts and DVDs off my website

But, also accepting tax deductible donations for the film through an organization called Bad Girl's Boxing, which helps young women redirect negative energy into positive outlets.

I know this is more of a shitty way of asking people for donations than a blog, but if I don't do it, than I feel like an asshole....well, more of an asshole than if I didn't do it, I think.

And 3 people are probably going to read it.  So, I don't have to be embarrassed for making a big "ASK" on FB.  Funny, because I give to everyone else's campaigns and don't think anything of it.  It's hard to ask for your own film - believe your own work is worth others investing in to be seen.

If you are disappointed that this wasn't a funny, twisted, soulful, honest blog, I apologize and promise the next one will be exactly that.  But, if you are in a position where you could use a tax deduction and you would like to help "Fight Like a Girl" get seen, please chip in!

Thanks and Sorry!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Back in the Game

Vitamin B12 shot.  Best thing ever.

So grateful to have the energy to work out at the gym for a good two hours.  My work load lately is lighter than it has been in a while so I can afford to spend a little more time at the gym.  I haven't been in fight shape since last July.  The more I go, the more I realize it is a place of sanity, even though so many people in it are insane, myself included.  I spend more time allowing myself to be present as I spar or hit the bag.

I am convinced that the more we stay present, the less we age.  Doing anything artistic or athletic keeps you in the moment.  Most artists and athletes I know are young in spirit and in mind because of this "indulgence."  I call it an indulgence because I am aware that we are fortunate to have the time, the ability and the resources to be able to partake in these endeavors.  Both are creative and invigorating.

Always interesting getting back into training.  There is a lot of self doubt, but I just do it anyway. In sparring, I have been gassing out after two rounds, but I think that is changing.  Sunday, I did four two minute rounds without gassing.  Tomorrow, hopefully I will go three three minute rounds before taking a break.  I can't judge it or I will quit and boxing still gives me joy and makes my body and mind feel good.  I can't compare myself to anyone.  No one else is like me.  I am the oldest and smallest person in every gym against every opponent.  I move well around the ring, have good defense, but have a hard time hitting people hard unless it's a fight.  Sometimes I think I lost the strength I had when I was younger, but when I hit the pads, I can still make them crack.  It's just mental.  Like everything.

As far as the film goes, a couple more film festivals to go, we found a distributor and will be releasing "Fight Like a Girl" on VOD, DVD very soon. (Although I am already selling them off the website along with T-Shirts and posters. - My shameless plug!)  We are hoping to find a good broadcaster, but we shall see.  It's a different kind of film.  While I know many people love it and are inspired by it, I'm certain there are others who despise it and thing I'm an A-hole for making it.  They are probably the same people who think I am crazy for still sparring and training the way I do.  I am getting better at putting things in perspective with the thought: They are not my audience.

Making this film has been a long haul and I know I still have to do press for the next year, but I do feel like it is finished and on it's way out there.  I am already onto my next projects.  We have a few more expenses for the film, but I have faith we will get them covered.

It's appropriate to start heavy training at this moment.  I need to summon up my creative energy to keep moving, keep creating, keep punching.