Faith

While I love my freedom as a free-lance writer/filmmaker, when I have to actually work more than a few long days in a row, I resent it.

I appreciate the fact that I am making money being my own boss and ultimately making my own hours, but the truth is, these jobs really get in the way of my training. When can I train again, dammit? I know, I sound like an asshole. Perhaps, I am.

As an amateur boxer, I try to time my fights around jobs and workloads. I persuade corporate clients to extend their deadlines for my video jobs, but I don't tell them why - to make time to train. Since I do most of my work from home over the computer and the phone, they don't see when I have a black eye or bruises on my arms. It's the perfect set up.

When things are good, I can train in the morning, edit or write in the afternoon, take a proper nap, work some more and either do cardio or hang out with my husband and two doggies. However, when I don't get jobs for a period of time, while I do enjoy the training, I feel guilty for not adding to the household income. Time that I would have spent working, is spent stressing and trying to figure out how to land my next job. Forcing myself to have faith. And eventually, the jobs come in.

For the last two weeks, I have had a couple of jobs with hard deadlines take up my valuable training time. Extremely grateful for the work but also will be delighted when these videos are finished. Many hours are spent with my ass in a chair and eyes on the computer. I cannot imagine how the people who do this 8 to 12 hours a day, five days a week can take it. I'd rather get punched in the face. Obviously.

Recently, I had to go to New York and Philadelphia for a corporate shoot and edit session. I was fortunate enough to make time one morning to visit my old stomping grounds, Gleason's, for some bag work, reconnect with old friends, and have my old trainer, Hector Roca, offer to hold pads for me. He actually bragged about me to his twin pro boxing prospects, the Burrell Brothers. "She is undefeated in California!" He said proudly. This made me laugh. It's true. Though, I've only had two fights out here, and I always think people at Gleason's will just think as me as the scrappy neophyte yearning to learn, making one mistake after another. This time, it felt different. After the bag work, I ran on the treadmill watching the brothers spar. I enjoyed the ambiance of the gym, the sound of ropes snapping against the cement floor, bags being pounded in staccatto combinations, shouts from the corner in Spanish and English and boxing gloves hitting bodies and headgear. It's always a treat to watch good sparring and the treadmills often have the best view in the house.

Afterwards, I went to the office to talk with Bruce, the easygoing owner of the legendary gym, and I was honored when he asked me to fight with the Gleason's Master's Team in 2012 in London when they go for the Olympics. Truly a dream come true! Being that I am too old and not talented enough for the real Olympic Team, I can fight with the old guys and gals against some tough London folk in an old boxing hall! Plus, witness the historic presence of women boxing in the real Olympic Games!

Surely, I will pass up the big $ jobs for that experience.

Walking with my head in the clouds up Front Street, I had to pull myself back down to earth, put on my corporate clothes, and do a six hour editing session on Park Avenue.

The next morning, I had the privilege of sparring with a world champion in my weight class, Suszannah Warner, at the Mendez Gym. She reminded me that there is a reason I don't do this for a living, but even better, that I can take a hard body shot and keep going. Sometimes, I think that is reason enough to box, to know you can take it and come back with your own, even if it's messy. I also think the dig up into my intestines aided my digestion in some way.

Since then, it's been working, editing, finishing the edits on my documentary, phone calls and getting ready for my MMA fighter's title fight in Las Vegas! Shortly after becoming Kaiyana Rain's manager, I got her a title fight in Las Vegas under Tuff-N-Uff for July 1st. Lots of networking, and connecting with other people who are passionate about fighting and giving women the platform to do it. She has trained ultra hard and I believe she is ready for anything.

However, tonight, we just heard that her opponent got a concussion in training and we're looking for someone else to step up. Of course, we were training for a certain kind of fighter and now it's a wildcard. I guess it's part of the game. Injuries, people backing out, opponents switching, etc. We'll just see...

All part of the unknown - and what it takes to move through it. There is a certain zen quality every good fighter must have in order to keep moving forward. It's a quality I value and aspire to every day....as I sit on my ass and write this, move through my edits, hope for the best and slug it out every day in the office and in the ring.