But now, I accept fighting as a part of life. The struggles don't have to be all consuming or anxiety provoking. I mean, yes, they usually start out that way, but with practice, it is easier to deal with them and let the anxiety go. At the end of the day, you don't have control over Jack Doody. I am also fortunate that lately, I have high class problems.
Finally delivering the film to our distributor, Vision Films; fixing issues so it can be distributed without any technical issues. Try doing that with a film that was Frankenstein-ed together over a period of 7 years! December 1st is our Worldwide release and we will be ready to face the world.
So many times, I didn't think I would be able to come up with money or fix technical issues that I knew nothing about. Somehow, I still had faith that the film would be completed. I had to. So many people have given their energy to it. What has changed with me lately, is when issues arise, I am able to laugh it off. I address the issues as best I can and put it behind me. At this point, my barriers and obstacles regarding getting the film out there are all minutia. Background noise.
The real mission of "Fight Like a Girl" is being accomplished. We are inspiring women's empowerment organizations, doing screenings with mental health groups, accompanying FLAG's Maureen Shea, to her empowerment seminars, screening at a fundraiser in Seattle for at risk girls who learn how to tell their stories through filmmaking. We are teaching clinics to eager young women and getting emails and messages from people all over the world who have seen the film, are touched by it. They tell us how it reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles. This was the real reason I made the film. Do I wish I made a lot of money from it and got huge awards? Sure, but I can easily live without that stuff, especially when I am hearing from people who the film inspires.
I made myself very vulnerable in this film and it will be very easy for people to throw darts at me. Now, I am glad it has taken so long to get the film out there, because I am able to pull the darts out and let them fall to the ground. I don't think I could have done that a few years back. The reality is I went through a very rough time and it wound up being documented in "Fight Like a Girl." It was the roughest period of my life. The other women in the film also let themselves be exposed in their vulnerability. I am fortunate they trusted me to let me film them at these difficult points in their lives.
This is not an easy thing to do for anyone, but especially for female fighters. We are supposed to be tougher than anyone. But for me, toughness and real strength is being able to expose yourself, warts and all, and still hold on to your dignity and own yourself as a person. Maureen, Kimberly, and Susan are the definition of that.
Meanwhile, I am working with an old coach who I like. He is getting me back into my boxing groove. It's a pro style that is very effective for me. I know I won't out-cardio, out-athletic, or out-power most of the people I spar with. However, I can strategize and focus on hitting and not getting hit best with this style. More importantly, it's fun! I get to get my swag on and pretend I am super slick!
I still make dumb mistakes like putting my head down when ducking under something or throwing hooks a little wide, standing up sometimes when I need to be low, and I need to be tighter...but now, I look at it as something to work towards correcting and getting better at. That wasn't always the case! I used to be very hard on myself and get extremely angry when I would mess up in the ring. (Even just a few weeks ago!) It feels better to let it go and work on it harder next time. If only I can keep this attitude up through the rest of my life....that would be a big W.
